Journey Through My Mental Space

Sidenote: So my buddy Angie got everyone emotional on their blogs & things. >_> lol.

My name is Gabriel, but I'm referred to as Gabby, Gabble, Gabs, Gabster, Gabe and more. Behind my smile lies insecurities, flaws, regrets, and more. Being 22 years of age, I wish I could clap my feet together like Dorothy and wish myself in the past, though. The young adult stage of life is nothing I would have ever anticipated. Yes, I'm known to be real goofy but its used to mask my pain. I can be an extreme introvert when I'm hurting & tend not to discuss what affects me until I'm ready. Music has become one of my outlets. I like to write to instrumentals and soon I will be purchasing a guitar to play because I love the acoustic melodies people can play! :)

As a teenager, I would be so quick to utter that I'm ready to be grown. Now that I look back on it, I would love to go back to the carefree days. As a plus size woman or bigger person then comes a lot of prejudice sometimes. People treat me differently and I've gotten stares before. It doesn't bother me as much now as it did when I was a teenager. My weight has bothered me because even people in my family & my friends would ridicule me. I've learned to love the skin I am while trying to maintain a healthy eating lifestyle.

People are so quick to judge what's on the surface and don't take time to truly dig below the surface. Everyone has layers, regardless if they know or not. I don't judge people for face-value because you can't truly see the person that is behind the face. People mistake me for being stuck up to me being quiet. What do you expect? I'm just meeting you, sheesh!

Another issue that has been maddening for me is people constantly asking me about work or guys trying to think I'm a downgrade version of an independent woman. First off, God has not blessed me with a job opportunity that will fit me. I want to be independent, I want to work, I want to explore career opportunities. It has been at the top of my stress factor list. Just because a person doesn't have a job, folks, does not make them lazy. Jobs don't fall in your lap for people; you have to put in WORK to get them, and WORK to keep them.

The love factor>> Nah, not in love and haven't ever truly been in love. Exes have come and gone but I've never reached that destination of love. I am and have been a hopeless romantic. With that has come me holding on to people in my life that I needed to cut out a long time ago. On twitter recently, I found this quote.... "Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together." This quote hit home for me because I've tried many times to put something back together because of fear of being alone when it was only hurting me in the process. I've only had 2 serious relationships, and to look back on them, they were a waste of my time, energy, and commitment. But, they both did teach me very valuable lessons on to love myself before I can love anyone else.

For anyone that knows me, knows I have a 14 month old nephew on whom I adore. I call him Junior Mint, because I'm just random but anywho, I never knew I could have so much love for someone. He knows when I'm upset, yet he always brings a smile to my face. He is truly an angel for me and my whole family. He is one of the things that cheers me up and makes me feel better with just his smile or giggle. My mom has also been someone who've i looked up to because of her battles with so many problems, she still finds a way to be a positive and my outlet when I need to talk!

For the TSMB/Mario fam: I love you chicas! Who'd ever thought I could confide in and find such amazing people. People from all over who support Trey but are people with daily problems and ones with great advice. Thanks to some of you who always had an encouraging word or reached out just to chat. It has meant a lot to me and don't think it hasn't been recognized.

I'm Out... Post comments, follow, and continue to read! Peace, love and hairgrease!

PETA's ad: Pass or Fail?

To answer your question, I stamp this ad a MAJOR fail! One of the lovely plus size ladies, Marie Denee, blogged about it and I had to say, I was very much appalled! Excuse me, featuring a young woman to represent a whale? And you can't say no. This WILL not be appealing to fellow BBWs and curvy young ladies. What kind of messages would it send it to them? I understand you won't to promote vegetarianism but really? This ad is definitely not appealing to me and DID not send a positive message to me. While others may find it funny, I wont because you are featuring a plus size lady in the wrong light. Also, Im not saying a person shoud not be healthy but this was a wrong way to to deliver a message. Try again, PETA! While you are trying to send out a positive message, you are also sending out a negative one.

The Road to Forgiveness

All I've seen on TV is Chris Brown's apology video. Can people give the kid a break? People really kill me about how they can judge a person so critically. You are not God! Yes, I did bring God into this. TV shows such as TMZ has broken down the video based on the color he chose to wear and everything. Give me a break. [insert eye roll here] Yes, I realize what he did was wrong and would be highly pissed if it was a relative of mine but I think he has learned from his mistakes. Im not for being Team Chris or Team Rihanna but can people really let this go? You're not Rihanna, you're not Chris! People spend too much time wanting to criticize others for THEIR mistakes and not THEIR own! We can only let Chris learn from his mistakes and see the changes that he makes. Some people are so quick to crucify him, yet we all have things we battle with. Seriously, people need to calm down. Granted, you may not have made the choices he has but don't people want forgiveness for the mistakes they make daily? Just be more careful in your choice of words when regarding these situations because EVERYONE faces different battles & we all have things we've done that we wish to take back! I just hope he continues to seek counsel and comfort in God & his family & his good friends! And hoping Rihanna gains strength from the situation and hope she is doing better. Both parties have suffered a lot and I wish the media will give them some alone time and let them breathe a bit.

Love, Gabster [XOXO]

Groupie Lies to Tell

I ran across this story [via Global Grind] and I had to laugh. Anyone who knows me... knows that I love me some Trey Songz & Mario. Its pretty funny that I like to read different things so I came across a groupie story about no other than...



You guessed it! Mr. Trey Songz! According to this story, it is from a Media Take Out reader. When I read that I had a straight face. Media Take Out is not a good source for credible information. But enough about me talking about it, read it for yourself and see how true you think it is.

One of MediaTakeOut.com's readers claims to have run into R&B singer Trey Song after a recent performance in Cinncinati. Heres what she claims went down:Well the Ritz closes at 5 am we left round 3:40. Im like yall lets try to get in through the back.. but s*it security was there too.. so we turnaround an Trey an his home boys come out (his friends was on some ugly shit too). Trey like whats good.. i aint know who he was talkin to but he was like come here.. so i get over there an he talkin blah blah long story short we exchange numbers.. He invited us to his hotel room.. we get patted down cause security don want camera phones in there.. so i get there an he like what up.. i was like nervous cause it was ah lot of people there an his security guard kept lookin at me funny… anywho trey takes me into a room.. we get in there an i know what bout to go down.. trey got that WORK!!! His d*ck is sooo good! He lay me on the bed an was jus talkin an shit.. He get his condom out or what ever an put it on an shit.. he like yo turn around so I turn around or whatever, i can tell that his favorite position.. He told me he like thick girls cause he like to look at they ass from behind.. once he put it in i thought i was gone cry it was so good.. he was putting his fingers in my hair.. trey dont like weaves.. so after that we do some ol other shit.. but gettin to the good parts he lifted up an started kissin my belly he had put my legs on his shoulder.. he was kissing my thighs real soft an shit.. so my mind goin crazy.. then he kissed my belly again then my cl*t.. trey ate my p*ssy an i swear on my momma he do it better then anybody! He was like real slow wit it.. I make it to where u feel like u need it to live.. Well he was doin that then he started kissin it.. Trey ah real FREAK yall Im so serious… anyways when we was done i left an he was make sure u get at me yo.. but i think he got ah new number cause I aint heard from him since . oh an im 19

Trey Songz stock just rose a bit with this rating.


It is amazing how crazy the story is... the girl told her age and everything. In my opinion, this story is as fake as the Media Take Out stories can be. Sorry but if you know anything about Trey is that, things in this story don't add up. I have to say: to the left, to the left, this story ain't true so you can ball it up with the stories in the groupie lie bin.

Spotlight Corner: Mario "Soul Truth" Barrett

Yes this is definitely a hot mixtape by Mr. Mario. It is entitled "What The Game's Been Missing". It features some remakes & even some original music, such as So Good in Bed, Main Attraction, Emergency Room ft. Rihanna. This mixtape was put out to gear up for his fourth studio album, And Then There Was Me, which will drop September 22nd. The current single, which is Break Up is climbing the charts, and is currently #11 on the Top R&B/Hip-Hop Songs on the Billboard charts.

The official single is an uptempo banga about breaking up with your love. Mario is crooning about questioning the girl's motives for breaking up. It is a hot song, which features songwriter/singer/producer, Sean "The Pen" Garrett and rapper, Gucci Mane. This summer hit has recieved the title of "airplay gainer" as well. So this is a good look! The official video for the single debuted today on World Star Hip Hop. Below is the official video! :-) Hope you enjoy!

I am digging the direction Mario is going in. As an avid supporter, I been following his career since 2002. He is a great vocalist and can carry a tune outta this world. Another treat that I have is a remake he has done of "Human Nature", which is one of his favorite MJ songs. RIP to the GREAT MJ. For he will be missed but never forgotten. http://bit.ly/wu2D6

The Legacy of Michael Jackson

Michael Joseph Jackson recently passed. I couldn't lie when I tell you guys that I cried. Not just some tears streaming but the choking, hiccuping type of cry. Granted, I didn't know him personally but he meant a lot to me. The King of Pop? Nah, sweetheart; the KING of music. I remember growing up and bugging my mom to record "MoonWalker" his movie, amongst many other videos. Michael wasn't only great in dancing his butt off, singing his behind off, but also in charity. He gave til he couldn't give anymore. He will be missed dearly but me and his hundreds... no millions of other fans. I remember just last Tuesday when I was jamming out to "Dirty Diana" with my mommy. There will never be another Michael... point blank... period! I will list some of my favorite vids because he had so many. This man's talent & abilities were impeccable and outstanding. I could really give a damn what people had to say. From what I could tell, he battled many things in his personal but he was an exceptional. Everyone has demons they battle and no one is perfect. Without further ado, my Michael Jackson tributes.









This song has gotten me through a lot of times when I was depressed & my self esteem needed to be in check because I let it falter because of what people said. Realize you shouldn't judge people! You never know what a person may be going through!



I will finish out this post with this song. I'm sorry because it may be a tear jerker but it symbolizes because this is how I feel. Michael left and I felt like he shouldn't have left yet. He was gearing up for a London tour and prepared to revive the music world. But, God makes no mistakes and He took Michael for a purpose. So, in honor of MJ's memory, You Are Not Alone... it even shows him being an angel @ the beginning =] I miss you Michael and I know you are now free of pain & anguish!

RIP Michael J. Jackson [August 1958-June 2009] Gone but never FORGOTTEN!

Michael Jackson Love!

Michael Jackson, donned as the King of Pop was rushed to a hospital in LA today. He suffered cardiac arrest and I'm awaiting details as I type. I love Michael Jackson because he is nothing short of being LEGENDARY. He has had many #1 hits & as a little girl growing up, I was in love with him. Til this day, I've gotten many videotapes with his movie like music videos, TV shows, commercials, and concerts. My mom has even video taped me dancing to his hits like, "Beat It", "Smooth Criminal", "Bad" & "Dirty Diana". I even have the sparkly glove that resembles Michael's and keep it in a drawer in my home. Words can't express how I feel that he suffered this! He will forever be one of my favorite performers. My prayers go out to him & his family during this trying time!